I Didn't

I Didn't
Originally uploaded by lorenzodom

Disclaimer, warning, whatever you care to call it:
The following piece of verse mentions the word “sex,” speaks to the concept of sex, alludes to it even, but doesn’t actually delve into it. Because, it just doesn’t.

November 9, 2007, New York City:

I Didn’t

I woke up with thoughts of not having sex with you.

I thought, “I know she won’t, so I simply won’t think about it.”
So, I didn’t have thoughts of having sex with you.
I just didn’t.

And I didn’t touch myself either, ‘cause no one ever does.
So, it behooves me not to mention I do, because I didn’t,
or rather, I don’t, just like everyone else.

And you know what?
I didn’t even fantasize about seducing you;
about making you laugh and feel extraordinarily comfortable with me,
about feeling at ease and trusting, and subsequently, slowly
letting your guard down.

No, I simply didn’t even think about it.

I didn’t wonder “What if?” nor did I wander down that road—
you know, the one where after a savory and spicy hot meal on a cold night,
and a few good mixed drinks and some wine,
we sit down on the couch, we smoke a little, while the lights are down low,
some Cuban Son plays softly in the distance (uh, the other room)
and we talk and talk and talk, and we laugh and laugh and laugh,
and despite the allure of the moment,
and the budding feeling of desire we feel buzzing within, dancing upon our skin,
we don't—
we don't act,
we don't feel compelled
or ready to attack, or propelled
to jump into the known-unknown,
pushed and piqued and promoted
by this devil called lust.

No, we simply don’t do that, because
because I simply didn’t wander down that road.

And remember, I didn’t touch myself either,
Really, I didn’t.

Come on now!
I didn’t!