the riling spirit

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the riling spirit

blink. blink. blink.

i was lost in the flashing yellow taillights of the bus idling next to us.

the man’s thigh next to me bulged over and bothered me for no good reason, other than maybe my overblown sense of possession and propriety. i was itchin’ to start a fight, if only to delight in the riling spirit of vying for the space of an inch.

as i recomposed in the hypnotic grasp of my glance out the window, i caught a glimpse of my risible reflection, laughed at my unruly self and then sighed solemnly, as i mulled over the lull in my life.

it has been a long time since i’ve experienced true excitement—the enthralling kind where you find yourself teetering on the edge of fear, of being discovered, of having to explain yourself with utter poise and wholly convincing, yet quite conniving, grace; the kind of thrill when moments of little mischief threaten to bellow into overblown bubbles, the burst of which are loud enough to get you in a whole lot of trouble for your earnest attempts at waking the dead, upheaving, uplifting and inspiring a renewal, questioning undaunted in the pursuit of truth and, sometimes, merely to stir the pot, if only to maintain your youth.

its not that i’m looking to get caught or act criminal by any means. far from. i just like having a little fun while pushing the limits of where i can go. taking risks which challenge the status quo, and allow me to let go and refashion, refresh, my own set of already flimsy (i like to say “flexible”) values, principles, convictions and beliefs.

and admittedly, some times its just a game as well. amusing pretense which lets me cock about and crow as if i own the place; strutting with an intimidating swagger of confidence, one which allows me to get a little more than the other guy, the one who’s too shy, too afraid to look out of place, lose face, be entertained at the risk of seeming original or even a wee-bit foolish; this is why i dare and be One alone and not just one amongst the throng, to be driven by something bigger than humility and as shameless as a little impropriety from time to time, and, with sublime faith and tenacious virility mow over obstacles and onto accomplishment, which others once said could not be done.

*

blink. blink. blink.

as we pulled away i was pulled back into reality, folded back into the full circle from which i had come, to where i was going and where seemingly i would always belong.