The Knot (what to do)

The Knot
(what to do)

i have a knot in my shoulder-
it hurts;
just left of center.
i know why its there;
don’t really care to say why;
i just do, i know why.

i’m hoping a good run
might untie the anxieties;
for i don’t want to drink
or do drugs or play
russian roulette with sex
anymore.
some people do;
i don’t
want to,
anymore.

i rather just try and run
the tension away.

tire myself out,
so that i might sleep
to see another day.

i don’t want to sleep my life away though.
i do remember that i’m in control.

thus, i don’t want to bide my time
through other people’s lives anymore;
no more popular entertainment,
no more books, no more stories
about adventures i’ve not taken.

no mistaking vicarious pleasure,
so-called leisure,
for that which might be had on my own.

life is not on loan to us you know-
no returns, no exchanges, no excuses;
this is it. what you’ve been given
is what you’ve got.

nothing more, nothing less.
a life rife with potential, some room for thought,
a lot of time, if you’re lucky.
the rest is up to you.

i think i’ll go for a run now.


*much literary license used here, not to be taken too literally. part-melodrama, part-spew, wholly human, absolutely cathartic.