The (Dis)Advantages of Not Having Anything to Wear

The (Dis)Advantages of Not Having Anything to Wear
Originally uploaded by lorenzodom

Occasionally, I will complain that men have little choice when it comes to what we wear. Or at least, we have a lot less choices than women do.

On New Year’s Eve, I went out with Chelsea and the night before she told me she wasn’t sure what dress she should wear. I rebutted that I wasn’t sure what I should wear at all, since I had very few choices to begin with.

I didn’t want to wear a suit, because I wear one everyday, and that’s no fun. New Year’s Eve is meant to be fun! and so how could it be fun if I dressed as if it were any other day?

I didn’t want to go casual, i.e. khakis or jeans or even black dress pants with a v-neck sweater, because once again, it’s New Year’s Eve! and dressing casually on New Year’s Eve just didn’t seem festive enough for me.

Hence, I was left with but one choice. One choice, which I knew surely put me at odds with most other men in the crowd—black tie.

You see, I love wearing black tie, and I wish I had an opportunity to wear it more often. Especially since I take some pride in the fact that I can tie a bow tie and don’t rely on a clip on.

Thus, although I knew the party we were going to wasn’t a black tie event per se and inevitably I would get a smattering of “Waiter, more Champaign please!” jokes from the sorely underdressed, I didn’t care. I wanted to dress up for the occasion, and so I was willing to tolerate the jibes in order to befit what I felt should be a time for extraordinary revelry.

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Besides, dressing in black tie in the past has brought me good luck.

On New Year’s Eve, 1995-96, my girlfriend—eventually to-be wife—eventually not-to-be wife—and I, decided to attend First Night in New York City. We decided to dress the part and got all fancied up, long black dress for her, black tie for me.

Our first stop was dancing at Grand Central Station, where two photographers from The New York Times, took our photos while dancing. Subsequently, we made the front page of The Times, “Dancing (and Kissing)” on New Year’s Day, 1996.

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However, all that said, after seeing some ghastly outfit on some random girl this morning, I realized that our wardrobe disadvantage can also be a distinct advantage. Because a dearth of dress choices also means it is a lot more difficult for men to make bad dress decisions and fashion faux-pas (paws).