Friday, August 31, 2007

What I Don't Believe

What I Don't Believe
Originally uploaded by lorenzodom

Original Photos: 1. Matisse’s Blue Nude (1907) 2. And a manipulation of Rose & Olive’s Do we not believe

What I Don’t Believe

I don’t believe
there is one for me, the one;
never was, never will be.

After marriage;
after countless “friends,” lovers,
girlfriends; even after great sex,
and falling in love
time and time again,
I find it increasingly hard to believe
there is one for me.

The irony is that, as I get older
I increasingly understand the need to compromise,
to be flexible, resilient, tolerant and understanding,
but at the same time, sometimes, I’m just too tried
to do so.

Thus, I gravitate toward the younger ones these days.
They still don’t know what they want, and thus, tend to be
less demanding. Experience also continues to validate the infamous
24-42 rule: gradually increasing their grasps as they get older,
going from pulling, to clinging, to clawing.

In three months I’ll be forty.
I’ve already got two beautiful boys,
a mortgage, rent, countless bills
and eventually a divorce to contend with.
Thus, it behooves me to want less,
not more. Yet, as far as I know, there is
hardly a woman out there that wants less.

Certainly, I am open to idea of having more—
I’m just not sure that I can handle more,
do justice with what I’ve already got, give as I’ve
been giving, and not leave my boys stranded
in the wake of my excess.

I think it is okay to be alone though.
My art tends to be my significant other,
when others are not around to distract me
from my creative aspirations.

Besides, I want my boys
to see me succeed as a writer and photographer;
I couldn’t care less if they see me succeed in love, again.
No, I rather show them how to be happy,
how to love life and embrace its beauty, and
how to make the most of the time and gifts
we’ve been given.

Thus, I don’t believe
there is one for me, the one;
never was, never will be.

And, you know what?
That’s okay.


(R&O thank you for the inspiration)

Rose, Olive & Me

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